There's No Substitute For Appreciation In A Relationship

You have a partner that you planned to stay with your whole life. Are you doing your best to sustain that relationship? Would you honestly be able to say you've given it your all? Should the relationship take a bomb dive would you not feel any guilt or regret when you swear none of the dials on the control panels indicated an imminent wreck? Who wants to take the blame for the flaming wreckage of a relationship?

Who wants to be the blame for not building a strong and loving togetherness. Indeed, like Caesar and Cleopatra, some relationships are destined to fail. And this can be due to some mighty extenuating circumstances. But, just a basic level of understanding and respect can thwart the majority of partnership failures. Reflecting on the positive aspects of a relationship, and how these can be stimulated to grow into an even more exciting togetherness, is the basic need here.

To reflect on a relationship you have to figure out exactly what it is that you have. Don't start out with a list of what your relationship isn't. That's a set-up for sabotage. Find the good things. For instance, some diners can ruin a great dinner because mints weren't served afterward. So, appreciate what you have each particular blessing. Root them out, they may be hard to find, but they're there. And they may be hard to find because you don't really appreciate what you already have. And like a few parched seeds, these positive things in your life hold the promise of ever more blooms after every drought.

Health. Are your trips to the doctor few and far between? How about your significant other? Do you enjoy ease of mobility? Are you both comfortable on a nature trail or on the beach? Do you have to inject insulin everyday? Do you have to go to the hospital every so often to get your blood cleaned? If you or your partner don't have to deal with any of these issues, you are truly blessed.

Status. One day take a stroll to the nearest busy park. Take a seat and watch the people pass. You are going to see an expanse of human experience. You will see those who are better than yourselves in socioeconomic terms, and worse off than yourselves, too.

Watching this stream of humanity will give you things to think about as far as where you want to go and what you want to avoid. It will help you discern who needs help. Remember, you have no real equals, there are only those who are better off than you are and worse off than you are. You are your own guide.

Possessions. If you find yourselves lucky enough to live in a comfortable dwelling, and this is subjective, take the time to appreciate it. Look around the world. A fine mud hut overlooking a lagoon can be the symbol of having arrived as much as a condo on top of a skyscraper overlooking the Hudson in New York City. Mud hut or condo, appreciate what you have. Relax, hold your lover in your arms and enjoy what you have built together.

Accomplishments. What have you done with your life so far? How is your significant other holding up in life's endeavors? If you are an auto mechanic or a poet, a businessman or a restauranteur, you have the privilege of knowing you've contributed in your own small way to the machinations of this wonderful world. What's nice is that the more positive things you do in life, the more positive things that will be reflected back onto you. Appreciation is itself an art. Learn how to appreciate well and you will become well appreciated. By yourself, by your partner, by your world. Especially by your partner.

Don't Let A Winning Relationship Drift Apart

Something's not quite right. An uneasy sort of dissatisfaction with your partner, with your relationship, is fluttering around the corners of your mind. A sort of malaise clouds your view and a sort of depression accompanies it. This is definitely a problem. If this is allowed to grow, you'll find your body getting out of sorts, too. You need a paradigm shift. A new way to sort through your life and appreciate it for what it is truly worth. A new way that will help you appreciate your significant other, who has helped you get to where you are today.

Every life has its negatives. The power goes out. The street floods. Friends move away. Why focus on the negative? Candles are nice. The world is so fresh smelling after a rain. You make new friends. Your life turns; your relationship with your significant other turns, too. Focus on the good turns. It's not easy.

Sometimes the bad seems so much more overwhelming compared to the good. You do have to put your mind to the good. Sometimes it is easiest to start out with small matters, matters close at hand. Something as silly as the blooming plants that you and your significant other gathered and potted last weekend, perhaps. There's success. They way you both held forth at the bridge game last week. There's success. Or something similar. Good lives are made of lots of small good things. Like children.

Children are lovely little treasures that you and your significant other made. They are growing into fine young folks. Of course, raising them is a bit more complex than planting geraniums. It took working together to make them what they are, teamwork to make them worthy and lovable souls. You and your partner may be drifting apart, but at one point you were a strong team. You depended on each other for so much that is so beneficial, so beautiful. Focus on that dependence that was actually a new way of being free. You always had each others back and that was a new kind of strength.

Just as your children are a testament to your joy in each other, look to the friendships you two have formed together. Whether it's a tight circle or a large group, it's a fantastic support resource you have built together. Bringing in friends that reflect your individual personalities is a way you came to know each other better in surprising new ways. They may be quirky, funny, odd, but friends are joys in your lives. If nothing else, they allow you to have something mutual to roll your eyes about, to chuckle over, even behind their backs.

Even in the best of relationships, things may seem to grow old or tired. And sometimes 'what ifs' and 'how comes' become too much of a focus. If things seem to be getting old, well, they're not. You may feel bored, but you'll be surprised. Look hard and you will see things are changing, and change is good. Don't abandon something just because it's changing. Take pride in the fact that you have shepherded it so well and so long. Your partner really is beautiful or you wouldn't have stayed around this long. Your partner is someone to be proud of, or you wouldn't have stuck around so long.

No long partnership is ever a failure. Again, look at all the small good things around you. It's all made up of some pretty beautiful stuff that's a testament to the worthiness and loveliness of you both. It sounds so trite when it is said aloud, 'Count your blessings.' But, do. From the smallest to the largest, count them. When you wake up in the morning, when you can't fall asleep at night, count them. And, if it suits you, figure out ways to enlarge them or build upon them. Your partner will love helping you change together, because you've been so successful together already. And, changing can be loving, too.

Romance Her With Something Special

Hold it, Buddy. Hold it, Lady. When's the last time you did something special for that special someone? Not just any old thing. Something that showed you were interested only in pleasing him or her. Something that took some thought, some time to get it together, some energy to pull it off. Something only you could do to make only your partner feel special.

Chances are, life being what it is, that it's been some time. Think about it. It has been awhile. Well, there's no time like today to get it together to show him or her that they're something special, that they're important to you, that you love them. It's always a good idea to show the one you're with that he or she's the one and only.

Need some help? A well-turned romantic evening is always a winner. Do everything yourself. Start off with some invitations. You know, the kind you send through the mail, or even email. (But a real invitation through snail mail gets extra points!) Title it with something along these lines: Enjoy a Night of Fun, Love, and Romance! Include some coupons that you've made in PhotoShop using a favorite picture of yours. Call them 'Love Coupons.' Or, if you lack those skills, you can always find something in a local card or gift shop to fill the bill.

As for the 'love coupons,' put something on them such as, you may redeem these coupons on the evening of --- and enter the date. Add something like you may request any such act that makes you happy when it comes to intimacy or romance. That allows your partner to bring some things to the party, maybe something new and exciting.

Have some fun yourself and write suggestions on the coupons. One for a foot massage, perhaps. Or one for necking. Or one for you can figure them out. Just be playful and creative, maybe even explore new possibilities. Almost anything that will make him or her feel special and loved will do.

Don't forget the dinner to make the evening a success. Making it yourself will certainly score extra points. But, if you're not a chef, ordering it in shouldn't hurt at all. The point is to share an intimate time with your lover. Do whatever makes the most sense, that makes you feel the most comfortable.

But, should you order dinner, personalize the meal with some fresh flowers on the table, light some favorite scented candles, and open a special bottle of wine you know will be enjoyed. These touches will add that extra bit of thoughtfulness that's so important.

Watch out for those 'love coupons'! Of course, your partner can redeem them at any time. But, things may take a turn toward the intensely romantic and you may end up with a rather cool meal eaten at a rather late time of the evening. But, remember, loves conquers all.

Pulling together a smashing evening as above, will be a part of your fond memories together. Your partner will remember it for a long time. Your relationship will find new ground for flourishing. Your imagination, your creativity, will deepen your understanding and love of each other. And, who knows, you might find out some surprising new side of your lover, a side that will intrigue you and keep your time together fresh.

Share The Path With Your Loved Ones

Do you and your significant other need a simple romantic way to bring yourselves closer? Are you not getting enough quality time together? Is it just too hard to make that time? Well, you've both got careers, you've got your families, you've got all the other little details of hectic lives that take so much time. It's hard keeping the perspective, the view that your partner needs time, too.

You each know that your success in the world isn't handed to you. You must have a plan, you must have a strategy. Short-term goals, long-term goals, both of these need a stick-to-it attitude. But, what's success without the success of your intimate relationship? As with your other 'must-do's', you've got to make space for the significant other in your life. A business client is no more important that your intimate client. A tee time for a business partner is not more important than a lunch with your life partner.

'Sharing' is the operative word when considering time together. It doesn't mean being in a place that just allows you time 'with' each other. It means sharing time together in a place where you can be with each other. An example of a place that doesn't allow you to be with each other is a movie theater.

How can a trip to the movie theater be a good place or a good way to be with each other? Think about it. Sure, you're together. But, you can't talk without getting shushed. You can't see each other. If the movie is any good, you're mind is on a subject far afield of anything having to do with your lives. So, you're basically sitting in the dark ignoring each other. That's not spending time together.

Rather than focusing on the troubles or treasures of the silver screen, you want to focus on each other. The almost perfect way to do this is excuse yourselves from whoever is sharing space with you, friends family or pets, and go for a walk. It can be a long walk, or a short walk. Let what you need from each other dictate the time you spend. You can hold hands, you can look at each other while you speak, the air is fresh, the walk itself gets the blood flowing. It's the perfect venue for togetherness.

With a walk, where you're going doesn't matter. How long you're gone doesn't matter. It focuses on the two of you and the things you need or want to talk about. Sometimes, walks can be quiet. And maybe that's important, for awhile. But, since you two obviously care about each other, talk will ensue.

Walks are easy to schedule, too. You needn't be shy about saying, "Let's go for a walk." By walking together, you're alone, whether it's a busy mall or a quiet street. You're really together. You can discuss important things, things that matter, issues that need resolution. A walk is a great way to clear the air. You're both in a relaxed place, a neutral place. There is no need for defense building, no need to fear discussing sensitive subjects.

The next time you and your significant other find yourselves in a stuffy room, and the moon is peeking through the crack in the curtains, grab his or hand and go for a walk. It's free. You don't have to be gone for a long time. In fact, you might want to set up a walk time each day. A time for the two of you alone, maybe just before or after dinner. Your bodies, your minds, and your relationship will thank you.

Speaking Your Truth When It's Hard

How often do you withhold the truth from someone important to you - your partner, friend, parent, child, co-worker - because you know he or she will get angry rather than care about you?

How you do feel when you don't speak your truth about something that is important to you? It is likely that you feel depressed when you don't speak up for yourself. Not speaking up about something that is important to you is a way of ignoring your own feelings and needs, and very likely will lead to depression.

Yet, if you do speak up and someone important to you doesn't care about your feelings, then how do you feel? If you are aware of your deeper feelings, you will likely feel some loneliness and heartache when someone is angry rather than caring about what is important to you.

For example, Johnnie consulted with me because his wife, Rosemary, had spent way too much on their credit card and had put Johnnie in a difficult financial position. Johnnie knew from past experience that if he said something about it to Rosemary, she would explode at him, which would feel awful to him. Yet, by not telling Rosemary about it, he was feeling depressed.

"I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place," he said to me. "I don't know what to do."

"Johnnie, what do you usually do when Rosemary gets angry at you?"

"I either get angry back, or I get defensive, or I shut down. And I feel awful."

"What are the awful feelings?"

"I feel hurt that she doesn't care about how her behavior affects me. I feel sad and lonely that we can't talk things out with caring rather than with anger."

"And it seems to me that you cover these feelings up with your own anger, defensiveness, and withdrawal - is that right?"

"Yeah, I think that's right."

"What if you were to be compassionate toward your own feelings of loneliness and heartache? What if you were to give yourself the caring that you want from Rosemary? What if, when you tell her your truth and she gets angry rather than cares about you, you care about yourself, bringing lots of gentleness, kindness, tenderness, and understanding to yourself? Do you think that would help you have the courage to speak your truth?"

"Actually, that sounds good to me. I think I can do that. So what you are saying is that if I give myself the caring I need when Rosemary gets angry, then I can speak my truth rather than stay depressed and ruminate about it."

"Yes. If you know that you are going to be there for yourself rather than abandon yourself in the face of Rosemary's anger, it makes it much easier to speak your truth. As long as you allow her anger to intimidate you into keeping quiet, then you are allowing her anger to control you, which is not good for you or for her. By choosing to be loving to yourself rather than avoiding the conflict, you will feel much better, even if she explodes. Are you willing to try this regarding the credit card?"

"Yes!"

In our next session, Johnnie reported that, when Rosemary exploded as predicted, he was able to stay present and caring about himself. He was able to say everything he wanted to say, including how heartbreaking her anger was for him. He felt much better and the conflict lasted a much shorter time than usual.

The Simple Secret To A Woman's Heart

Have you ever been somewhere when you see what appears to be the most unlikely couple where maybe a physically undesirable man is with a physically desirable woman who is hanging from his arm and seems to be madly in love with him? Almost immediately the thought may run through your mind, How in the world did he get her? The answer will almost always be a simple one . . . success. This seemingly unattractive man given his physical appearance is in reality a highly desirable catch to a woman . . . because as the odds dictate, he is most likely monetarily successful.

Each passing generation of man, just like animals, passes on a recipe for success. Social Darwinism is alive and well, even in today's culture. A woman has a relatively low ceiling compared to a man when it comes to the amount of children a woman could theoretically rear or produce in a lifetime. Therefore, a woman wants the man who either is the biological father, or the man who will raise the child, to offer something uniquely separate from other men, and that is, she wants her baby or babies to have EVERY opportunity possibly offered to a person in the society. Of course this is a gross generalization of the entire gender, but most mothers number one desire in life is to have great opportunities offered to their children.

This dramatic generalized principle is important because it vastly improves an individual's perception of the world around them. It also allows men to better focus on the specific thing they want most . . . women. Women not only want a man that is successful but they most often will also accept a man who has a great potential for success. Through the lens of this perspective, so much of what men do is to attract a woman. Take for example a man who has little interest in going to college and would do just fine working an eight to five job building homes making enough to live, eat, buy man toys and support his vices. But then consider that this same man has a desire for an attractive woman and she does not consider his job as being successful and will not be attracted to him unless he goes to college. Good chance the man will go to college.

Another example can be illustrated by the true story of John and Jane. John is an all around incredible man who has so much to offer in ways of great looks, personality, morality, etc. John falls madly in love with Jane who is an equally incredible woman and desires little more than to have him marry her. The problem is, as great as she realizes he is, she for some reason cannot commit to marrying him. Well, as we could have guessed given the success principle, John's simple solution was for him to figure out his finances, get a realtor, and purchase a nice piece of real estate or a simple home in the quiet suburbs of Arizona. The home was a mental trigger of success in Jane's mind, and within a month, after two years of this man diligently trying to woo the woman, she suddenly falls madly in love with him and realized she could never live without him.

As a brief summary, women in general are deeply and instinctually attracted to a man's success, realized or potential, more than any other attribute a man may posses. As a basic applicable principle, a man buying real estate will sling shot himself up several levels in his attractiveness. The best thing a man can do is live his life in a way to be able to purchase a home.

Creative Romantic Gift Ideas: 5 Ideas For A Romantic Gift

Romance is alive and well in the world, if you know where and how to look for it. If you are in love with (or just have a crush on) a special person in your life, you may be in the mood to give them creative romantic gift.
Gift-giving is an art. Sure, anybody can just go out and buy something nice for the person they love. But, finding the right gift one that will truly inspire them and at the same time communicate the caring you feel is another matter.

Romance and Gift-Giving

Gift-giving has been a big part of romance for centuries. In many ancient societies, the giving of expensive gifts of animals or food from one family to another was an integral part of any wedding ceremony. In more recent centuries, gifts have been used in many ways when it comes to those romantic relationships that start long before there is talk of a wedding.
Today, gifts can be given from one lover to another for many reasons, including to woo someone into a first date, to confirm one's love after dating for a while, to commemorate an anniversary, or even to thank someone for a wonderful and romantic evening.

Why It Can Be Hard to Find the Right Gift

Finding the right creative romantic gift can be hard for many reasons. First, it can be simply difficult to think of ideas for buying the right gift. It can also be easy to second-guess yourself with questions such as, Is this gift really nice enough? and Will they appreciate it?
Another important reason why it can be so hard to buy the right gift is because of the consumer culture we live in. So many products are thrown our way each day that it can all feel like a big, confusing clutter. With so much advertising going on around us today, it is hard to really get a clear vision of what to buy for that special someone as a gift.

Creative Romantic Gift Ideas - 5 Ideas

Here are 5 ideas that can inspire you to find the right gift:

1. Make them a romantic photo album: If you already have a history of being together with this person, consider making for them a romantic photo album showing pictures of the good times you have had together. Or, if your relationship fairly new, try putting together pictures of nature or other experiences you have had that paint a picture of how this person makes you feel.

2. Write to him or her about your feelings: If budget is a concern, one of the most romantic things you can do for free is to write out a note or letter expressing just how this person makes you feel. A well-written, honest note is always well-received by someone who cares about you.

3. Cook them dinner: Another fun idea: cook them dinner. Of course, dinner ingredients can be very cheap or very expensive, so plan your budget accordingly. However, the relationship between food and romance is well-established, and many hearts have been won over the course of a meal prepared with love.

4. Create a gift basket full of their favorite foods: Gift baskets are very romantic. Why not make your own, or buy one filled with their favorite foods or drinks? You could even enjoy it together as a picnic lunch at your favorite romantic outdoor spot.

5. Find a gift online: If you decide to search online for the right romantic gift, be sure to set yourself a budget first. That way, if you find something you like but it is too expensive, you can easily remind yourself to move on and keep looking for something more reasonably-priced.

Follow these 5 tips for finding creative romantic gift ideas for that special person in your life.